


Autumn Sadness

by kihyunyoo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Changki rise 2k16, Hurt No Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, omg im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 09:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8244637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyunyoo/pseuds/kihyunyoo
Summary: There was nothing left but a kaleidoscope of shattered hearts and unheard explanations





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for doing this to them lol  
> English isn't my mother tongue so pls bear with me. :')

-  
  
Kihyun tapped both his cheeks and shook his head, trying to get rid of sleep. He has an upcoming surgery schedule in five minutes. Even if he wants to rest and relax his mind and body, he can’t. He’s the only orthopedic surgeon available at the moment and the patient needs an emergency total knee replacement. Kihyun sighed while staring at the coffee cup. It may have been his fourth or fifth drink, he can’t recall. He’d been on duty for almost 13 hours already and wow. He should’ve taken Hyunwoo’s offer to be the reliever (substitute) of his co-surgeon. Maybe he wouldn’t be here tiring himself out, convincing himself that he can still operate even if every fiber of him protests.  
  
Fortunately, the surgery went smoothly and there were no complications encountered. Kihyun managed to perform his operation efficiently. But he can’t lie. In less than ten minutes, he knows his body will shut down so he hurriedly went to the Doctor’s quarters, plopped down on the pull out sleeper chair and shut his eyes. His body rejoiced to this.  
  
Kihyun had always been so jealous of people who can fall asleep seconds after closing their eyes. _How do they even do it?_ It would take him half an hour or maybe two to finally drift off to sleep (and praying to all the Saints or maybe turning on his bed for fifty seven times. yes he counted it.). His shift had successfully ended and he got a three day break (including his official day-off). Kihyun fell asleep after forcing himself to clear his thoughts. He has to rest.  
  
-  
  
Kihyun decided to treat himself at the mall the next day. Why not? It was a job well done. Eighteen hours, straight duty, two operations within the shift. And he had done it alone. Without the help of his partner surgeon (thank God there are nurses).  
  
And when Kihyun finally thought he got over him, he sees Changkyun walking ever so slowly while scanning the displayed clothes at the stalls. And just like that he remembers, that he was _never over him._ That it is still Changkyun his heart desires even after the younger had walked out from his life since a year ago. Changkyun spotted him and he shoots the older a bright smile. Kihyun almost forgot how to breathe, he missed that smile so much.  
  
The younger jogged towards him. Kihyun contemplated all the things he would say. He shouldn’t look stupid. Changkyun shouldn’t see how much of a big mess he still is. And he won’t have to know that Kihyun is still in love with the younger. He can’t let Changkyun pity him. That’s the least thing he would want.  
  
“Ki hyung. How are you?” Changkyun asks, wearing that genuine smile that Kihyun always adored.  
  
The older managed to return the smile. “I’m doing fine. Taking a day off.” Changkyun nodded.  
  
They started to walk with no particular direction. Just letting their feet take them anywhere it wants. Kihyun felt awkward at first but Changkyun managed to change the mood and made it a relaxing one. It feels just like yesterday, their memories, their time together. It still feels the same, walking side by side like this. Kihyun smiled bitterly, not letting the younger see it. As time dragged on, things must’ve changed. _It probably has._  
  
They talked about Changkyun’s new workplace as a researcher. And his life after their break up. His adventures, struggles, and life changing decisions. They talked about Kihyun’s life as well. How he became a well-known surgeon just a year after their relationship had ended. That being in the hospital and perform operations (until his body surrenders) is all he had ever done after Changkyun left. The younger laughed to this and said that his life is boring. Same things happen every day. Kihyun couldn’t agree more to this.  
  
The two reached a bench and they decided to sit on it. Changkyun then pulled out his phone and read some messages. Kihyun took this time to admire the younger’s beauty. It’s still breath-taking. And now he wonders why did he ever let him go. _No,_ not just wonder. But every ounce of regret flows all throughout his body. And the guilt of not being enough for the younger before strikes him like a raging fire truck.  
  
Kihyun admits. _It’s his fault. Everything was his fault._ He devoted his time to his work and rarely spared some to Changkyun’s. He thought he was doing the right thing. He thought that work comes first so they can be stable later in life. The younger was always understanding. He was always waiting for Kihyun to come home. He loves Kihyun that much. Until one night after a five hour surgery, Kihyun comes home to an empty house. No traces of Changkyun nor his belongings. _Just a hand written goodbye note._  
  
It was autumn. And autumn was the **_worst season to fall apart._** No one bothered to catch him. Changkyun wasn’t there to pick him up and patch all of his broken pieces together. The younger went missing as Kihyun started to realize everything he had done wrong. And when he was ready to fix it, there was nothing left but a kaleidoscope of shattered hearts and unheard explanations.  
  
“Kyun, can you come back to me?” Kihyun asks softly, no, desperately while staring at ground. Thick-skinned, stupid, crazy or whatever. Call him anything. He just wants Changkyun back in his life again. When Changkyun left, he took all the hues with him and left Kihyun with just blacks and whites.  
  
_“I’m sorry.”_ The younger says in an apologetic tone.  
  
And Kihyun nodded, too fast actually.  
  
“I’m already seeing someone else… Hyung. Please take care of yourself. I have to go.” Kihyun turned to look at him one last time. The older smiles with glossy eyes. Changkyun smiles back in return before he stood up and walked away.  
  
Kihyun shuts his lids and let the tears roll down his cheeks. It’s painful, and his mind couldn’t think of anything else but the way Changkyun’s voice said ‘I’m sorry’ made him think that enough is enough. He tried to drown his sorrow and hurt by doing countless surgeries, and attending almost all of the seminars existing. He tried to bury his feelings to focus on his field of work. But just one glance, one moment with Changkyun made him remember everything. It made him realized how much of a big fool he was back then.  
  
Now looking at himself a year later, things hasn’t changed. Except for the fact that Changkyun is never coming back. And it is heart-wrenching knowing that he’ll spend another year or maybe two, he isn’t sure, just to erase the younger from his system. He can never get over him, maybe he can just learn to forget and get used to it.  
  
_And now he knows, that not everyone can be granted with a second chance._  
  
People say everyone learns their lesson after it’s been said and done, after they reached a certain end of a story. ** _Kihyun learned his lesson when he lost Changkyun._**


End file.
